Why Aren't More Women in Top Leadership Roles?

Niagra Falls, on a business trip 

Driving home from Laramie, Wyoming last night after a Wyoming Cowgirls game (where they dominated 98-37 - a whole topic unto its own), I thought about leadership, women, and topics I could research for my dissertation to get people thinking in a new light.  Why am I not a leader today?  I had a couple of opportunities in the past three years, and I've turned both down because it wasn't right for my life, for my family's life.  In our company, you have limited chances to rise to the top.  If you aren't willing to move your family 2,000 miles away in the blink of an eye, you aren't taken seriously.  I took an interim HR manager job in Charlotte, North Carolina, for two months to cover a surgery a couple of years ago.  I excelled.  I received rave reviews, and three years later, I still talk to the wonderful people I worked with.  I was asked to stay, and it wasn't the right time, especially for my husband, who had just started his job with the same company two months prior.  Then this fall, I had the opportunity to be in the running for two HR manager jobs in the east.  After much reflection, I couldn't possibly take either, which would force my husband to find another job in this tepid economy, my daughters (who are already 3 hours away from me) to be even farther away from their mom, and the economics of selling a house we bought at the top of the demand-ridden market and buying on in a still-high market in the east.  

Do I regret my decisions?  No.  Do I lament them?  Sometimes, yes.  I started researching why women aren't in more leadership roles, despite the fact that we have, on average, more education and more people agility skills than men.  I'm coming to the conclusion that I'm not alone - work is not going to solely define me.  I am not spending 80+ hours a week for a company who will, at best, move me every two years for my 'development' (read:  their convenience).  While I would certainly love the power and money that comes from a promotion, and the change of scenery, my decisions are based on my husband, and his career, and my teen age daughters - and my own dreams and ambitions.  And I'm confident that my husband would base any of his career decisions on me and where I am going. And perhaps I just don't need the pressure of a high power job.  I love my life.  I work hard, I am respected (for the most part), and I can come home at the end of the day and not answer e-mails and phone calls, I can enjoy my husband, our house, our friends, our hobbies, and my pursuit of a Ph.D.  I've achieved all of that, and the best is yet to come.  

Does this mean that the women's revolution has stalled?  I don't believe so.  Rather, women are standing up and saying, yes, we are worthy, yes we CAN do this, but hell no, we don't want it.  We can contribute by being managers who don't spend hundreds of hours more in the office monthly, we can bring our skills and expertise to the party, but still go home and be a part of our own parties.  This is not a weakness.  This is a benefit to all human-kind that women can excel in top leadership positions, but can also choose to contribute in ways that are meaningful for themselves and their own lifestyles.  

Lettin' Our Hair Down

Tequila in Vegas!

So this week has been a tough one at work for both of us.  Pre-cursor to the "wolf moon" full moon - whatever that is?  We went out to dinner with friends, and then for karaoke.  We sang karaoke all night, the remedy to a full work week.  My husband is far better at singing than I am, but once I had a couple Gray Goose on the rocks, I sang really well!  (Well, in my own mind, which is the only thing that counts in karaoke.)  I had to 'rescue' some poor soul whose friends thought it would be funny to put him up to "Like a Virgin," I sang "Before He Cheats" with the girls, "My Humps" just for fun, and "Islands in the Stream" with my husband (which is our wedding song - started as a joke, and we just went with it - it's a song we sing the few times we've done karaoke).  

Okay, so this isn't really germane to leadership or my Ph.D., but well, maybe it is.  Sometimes you just need to let your hair down, dance like no one cares, sing like you are Dolly Parton, and laugh with good friends.  This is what makes a memory.    

Eat Food - Real Food

Tapas Bar in Atlanta


I'm lucky enough to be home to watch the entire Oprah - and lucky enough that Michael Pollen, one of my personal heroes is featured today.  A couple of years ago I read his book, "An Eater's Manifesto" and it changed the way I look at food forever.  I've always loved food, let me make that clear.  My parents are both outstanding cooks and we grew up eating, well, pretty much real food.  (Let's clarify, for those of you who don't know, real food is unprocessed, you can pronounce every ingredient, and your great-grandmother would recognize it if you were shopping with her 80 years ago.  This is NOT a low-fat, low-cal, low-carb, whatever, regime, it is about taking back our food supply and declaring that Twinkies, Lean Cuisine, Pepsi, WonderBread, and GoGurt are not real food - I'd go on and on and on - just Google Michael Pollen, or better yet, read one of his amazing books and you'll be a believer.)

I've mentioned before that I hate fast food.  I eat it only under extreme duress (i.e. when we are on a 14-hour road trip that we conquer in one day and I don't want the battle with my husband - who actually does share this food passion of mine - but when you are trying to get to Cali in one day ... you make sacrifices!).  We have become a nation of cheap food and high health care costs - yes, that is the correlation, folks.  That Big Mac and fries, the Big Carl, whatever you can buy on wheels without getting out of your car are killing us ... KILLING US.  You can buy a fast food meal for sometimes less money than a healthy meal, that is what is wrong with America and our health care system. THAT right there, is the solution.  Do you see how this can become a revolution in my mind?

I live in the middle of nowhere, the produce section in our ONE grocery store is no where near to being fresh and delicious.  I shop at organic, whole foods stores whenever I am able to, but I make do.  I am willing to spend more on food, and I'm fortunate enough that I can.  The government has swept this entire 'agricultural' problem under the rug, succumbing to lobbyists, at the expense of our national health.

I love food, I'll say it again.  Real food.  This is the reason I cook every single night, I normally enjoy cooking anyway, but I feel better feeding my husband and me a meal that doesn't come from a box or a 3000-square foot, germ-infested joint.  Take today.  I had an all-day meeting that was at a local hotel (very nice hotel, very nice staff).  Breakfast ... powdered egg omelets, sausage, potatoes drenched in butter (okay, I'll admit, I had 2 sausage links and a small portion of potatoes, and I felt worse from having deviated from my soy milk, tea and nuts selection in the morning).  Lunch - fatty mexican food with tons of cheese, I am a non-cheese and egg eater because I have never enjoyed those foods.  I had a half-portion of rice and some salsa on a few chips.  Break times - chips, candy bars, muffins, danish rolls, then cookies, I didn't even have to fight the urge to eat these things.  I stopped eating desserts and processed sugars over a year ago, and don't miss them a bit.  If I do have half a cookie to satisfy the inner child, my digestive system revolts, so I've learned it isn't worth it.

I am so passionate about this topic.  We have to take back our food supply and stop poisoning ourselves with processed foods, mass animal feedlots, and fast foods.  We have a Farmer's Market for about 3 months here, I take full advantage, but I'm still at the mercy of our local grocery store during the winter months.  I embrace the slow food movement, the organically minded farmers (who are often too poor to get organic certifications but nonetheless do the right thing with their food).  Food is celebration, love, happiness ... put down the Taco Bell and make your own tacos, you'll be amazed at how much better they taste, and more importantly - how you feel.  Try it ...

Soapbox ... now stepping down.

Focus, Focus, Focus!

My husband's surprise birthday party last year ... we have so much fun at our house!


Do you ever have those days when you feel impossibly scattered and cannot imagine that someday you will find something truly worth focusing on?  The more I read, the more I realize how many ideas and ‘things’ are out there (not only that – the more mediocre ‘things’ I find).  How will I make my mark on the world of education/human resources – or for that matter, just make my mark on the world?  The last two weeks have been a blur of interviewing (which I’d mentioned previously is perhaps one of the most depressing tasks an HR professional can undertake during a recession), talent management (still trying to make the concepts fit together and be of benefit to our managers and employees), and school (which is fortunately stimulating enough to keep me working on the previous two items because in the future I won't have to work on said items).  


I surf the internet when I grow frustrated with work, hoping to find a research topic that needs more work, or something that sparks my interest and makes me want to create something new.  This afternoon I went through a path of online teaching and learning, trying to create my own website with Dreamweaver (which I’ve had for nearly 2 years and haven’t gotten past opening a template up and staring blankly at a language that might as well be Latin), and reading research submissions on teaching and learning online.  How do graduate students know which topics to pursue?  I know I’m not the first person to ask this question and I’m certain I’m not unique in my temporarily unfocused fog. 


Is it wrong that a graduate student looks forward to American Idol?  I'm not a teenager hoping to find her next 'puppy love' - just a burnt out HR person looking for pure entertainment that doesn't involve me making a difficult decision (maybe that's the appeal - the four judges NOT ME - are making the tough calls for once!!!!).  


Cheers!  I'm going to go have another glass of Merlot.  Why don't you do the same? 

Sunday Morning

Niagara falls, from the Canada side on a beautiful fall day

CBS Sunday Morning is perhaps the most interesting and inspirational television news show produced and delivered.  On the rare weekends we are home, my husband and I watch it in bed together, relishing a lazy Sunday morning.  He is out of town on a guys trip, and I find myself sleeping horribly without him.  I succumbed to the fact that I wasn't getting any more sleep, so I'm watching the show from the couch while I fold laundry (I know, exciting).

What strikes me about this show is that it so positive and uplifting.  Today they are featuring segments on sex addiction (is it really an addiction - or an excuse?  the debate goes on), a bookstore that carries only books by Winston Churchill, a tale of a singer with a beautiful voice and constant pain that doesn't end, and an account of Jean Simmons, who passed away this week.

The stories are thoughtful, and often not on any topic I'd ever consider 'interesting.' Yet the journalists write the stories and weave the tales that draw you in.  I feel more intelligent and happier after watching this show and knowing that these people exist in this world.  Maybe the allure of Sunday Morning is the fact that gossip and celebrity are not featured.  I am not sure how we have become a society so uninterested in our own lives that we hang on every tabloid account of 'Brangelina' (although I heard on the Today show this morning that they are divorcing), and are so desperate to know about the Gosselin's that we turn photographers and gossip columnists into stalkers of seemingly ordinary people.

Above all, Sunday Morning features people who are true leaders, in their own lives, and as role models to others.  The message that you should be yourself and shine in your own light ring true in this journalism.  If only more newscasts could be this positive.

Leadership and Delegation

Grapes on the wine ... vineyard north of Atlanta

Tonight was my first conference call for the Ph.D. program.  I admit that I really don't like talking on the phone.  I have a hard time listening, my mind races so quickly and I drift off so easily, so this will be a challenge.  The topic is interesting, my classmates seem to be intelligent and fun, and my professor is one of the best.  The first week of class is always slow, so I have confidence the calls will pick up in the coming weeks and that I will develop better listening skills.

So, leadership ... our organization is working on making managers into less, well, managerial, and more leaders and champions of development.  Difficult road, teaching old dogs new tricks is the cliched analogy that comes to mind.  I'm thinking of how I can be a leader, in my individual contributor role at work, and at home.

I'm also thinking that I'm hungry and that my husband, who goes to the gym after work, while I stay home and study, pretend to use my home gym, make dinner, and take care of household duties, can't make dinner.  I tried to delegate dinner to him Tuesday night, after an evening of studying and answering discussion threads online, and found that I actually had to instruct him while preparing the rest of the dinner around him - while he looked up from trimming the chicken every three seconds at the basketball game, lest we never eat - or get food poisoning.  My husband is a self-proclaimed non-chef, the opposite of me.  We joked, when I went back to school to get my Master's degree, and then my Ph.D., that he'd have to pick up some slack at home, so he said, "Great, I can make dinner, what kind of cereal do you want?"  But it's not a joke, he cannot cook, at all.  And I cannot eat meals that are not prepared fresh - at all.

This brings to mind my view of leadership, and how my role in my organization is probably well-placed.  I am a do-er.  I make things happen.  I love my job, I'm very good at my job, and I've never received anything less than a promotion, or a rare outstanding at each of my performance appraisals.  Being faced this fall with the possibility to be promoted to HR Manager, while knowing I could not move 1500 miles away at the moment, I realized that I might not make the best HR Manager right now.  I am not sure I know how to delegate, how to let go of tasks for which I'm responsible.  I see this in so many ineffective leaders, and I fear this in myself.  This will be something I work on if I want to be a manager/leader.

Composure and Gender

Our firepit in the Gazebo ... on a nice summer evening

So a manager I work with told me a story today about 'tossing papers.'  He was in a heated discussion with another manager, several years ago, and that manager, animated in his anger, tossed the papers from his hands.  At this point, he turned to me and said, "There's only one answer - what do you do here?"  I fumbled, because this is a manger a few levels above me - what the hell IS the right answer here (I might mention that my female boss did NOT answer the question and put me on the line to do it - which is another problem entirely that women do not always support their women cohorts).  I stated, "Well, I'd finish the conversation and pick up the papers when it's done."  EEEHHHHHH ... wrong answer, thanks for playing.  The answer is supposed to be - pick the papers up FIRST, thus making you less likely to punch the other guy's lights out.  Having some moxy, I fired back at him and asked him if he'd ever done this to a female.  He said he had not.  Challenging him further (again, a few levels above me  -gutsy, but he'd had conversations with me about speaking up more, here's the perfect time, careful what you wish for!), I explained my studies on gender, composure, and leadership and said that as a female, I'd never been so angry at someone at work that I wanted to "punch his/her lights out" and that women are much more likely to talk it through and not become so egotistically heated in the first place.

As a female, I've been taught composure, especially at work, lest you look meek or flighty.  This is ridiculous, I've concluded, after reading several accounts of women in leadership roles.  We are taught composure, but also connections.  In this situation, I'd feel better if I finished the conversation, valued the person, then picked up the papers, which most likely are of no consequence because I can reprint them at the touch of a "Control - P."  I walked away feeling that my point had not been made, and that as a young female I'd been dismissed because I could respect a connection and another point of view.  Likely he walked away feeling that HIS point had not been taken that people lose control and need to gain composure.

Perhaps I'm wrong ... but as I've mentioned, I work in HR.  I have, on average, a chance to lose my composure every given 10 minutes or so ... give or take on a good or bad day.  I have spoiled union brats who make tens of thousands more than other people in this country, with barely a high school education, telling me that I'm screwing them over (yes, I personally have that power), I have to tell people they don't have a job because they failed a health or drug screen, I discipline angry people who can't follow rules, and I occasionally have to terminate people who repeatedly or extremely do not follow the rules.  I get angry, of course I get angry.  But I keep it inside until 4:00, when I can get in the car and vent to my husband, come home, have a few glasses of wine and cook the stress away.  That's the way I, and many other women, roll.  We have no other choice.

At this point, I need to tell you that I'm not an angry anti-male feminist.  I have read so many accounts of women before me who shed blood, tears, sweat, their lives for justice - for me - for women everywhere, and I can't let that be for naught.  Women HAVE to be equal in the workplace.  And someone has to stand up and make it right.  I'm working on being that someone ....