Thursday, November 10, 2011
I struggle to get dinner on the table while listening to class, trying to complete a paper, picking up clutter before the housekeeper arrives (the one thing saving me from completely going off the deep end), folding laundry, and otherwise being superwoman in a world where the people around me don't comprehend my stress level, despite my tired face, my puffy cheeks, the sunken eyes, the inability to enjoy what I normally do. I don't know where to turn. I don't know how to stop the tears that want to flow because of sheer frustration and isolation.
I want to cook. I don't have the time. I thankfully have leftovers that I store for him, while I subsist on pumpkin seeds and wine. I know this is but a short time in my life to reach a goal I have set for myself, a goal that 95% of the population will never set, let alone reach, but right now, it feels pretty lonely in that 5%, of which I know only 2 who are sharing it with me, and from a distance.
I want to share this, because this is to chronicle my PhD journey. It's not all excitement and love and roses and fabulousness. It's freakin' hard work and tears and frustration and pain. But it's my goal and if I don't reach it, I will never forgive myself.
Posted by Cyndi Johnson at 6:23 PM
Sunday, November 6, 2011
So why am I wasting my time on Pinterest, Facebook, Amazon, and Yahoo mail!? Because obviously I am getting more out of that than going through the motions of turning in assignments and papers to elitist university professors who think distance students are not as great as those who have no jobs, live with their parents, and ask endlessly stupid questions in class. Oh well. I am glad I am employed in a job that challenges me, and surrounded by people who support me in my endeavors. I can handle a couple of professors who don't think I'm the bees knees, right?
Posted by Cyndi Johnson at 10:42 AM