Two hours of drivel - of male testosterone - of "my dick is bigger than yours" (please forgive the vulgarness of my comments, but this cannot be ignored). I look around the room - yep, I'm the only woman - and the youngest person in the room - well, one new grad in his mid-20's with facial hair to prove it, but filling in for his boss - again, yep, I'm in the minority, as a Japanese-American woman, there are few male minorities in this group. And I'm leading the meeting. Sah-weet. Let me tell you - I'm intimidated by no one. And letting people ramble on, sorry, not gonna do it (picture Dana Carvey as G Bush). I almost felt enraged at this group of male elitists today. They listened to me - but do they think my place is at home? I felt feminist-empowered, but still bleakly un-empowered- to make a difference. I still don't care to do feminism as a dissertation - although I see it as the 'easy way out.' But today I felt the full force of feminism-gone-stale with this group of men. It's enough to light a woman up. What - are we supposed to stay home and have their babies - or succeed in the workplace- lest we be called heartless, ball-breakin' bitches for displaying the same characteristics as they do? This is so un-enlightened, but hit me like a brick wall today. I'm accepted at the meetings, because I display some male leadership characteristics. Then again, some days, I feel like I am accepted BECAUSE of my female characteristics. It's always a challenge to separate the MEN from the BOYS.
My job pays me a killer salary and benefits, but some days I wonder - is selling my soul right? How I am ever gonna follow my dreams???
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