Winds of Change

So I'm making tamales and inviting friends over for a celebratory dinner.  I went to Dr. Mike's for some libation ingredients, and as I pulled out of the parking lot, Scorpions' Wind Of Change started playing.  Appro-po. (Spell check never gives me this word!). 

Indeed, the winds of change have arrived for the Johnsons.  I am so proud of my husband, and I can't wait for our new adventure in life.  Many conversations to have, lots of plans to make, but this is one exciting freakin' weekend.  As I made tamales, watched our beloved Cowboys lose, and reflected on all that is great in our life, I realized that it only gets better from here.  You see, while I'm a cynic, I am also an eternal optimist.  I always believe that the road ahead is better than any we leave behind.

I embrace change, always have, because it's always brought me to better places.  My dissertation topic is also changing - again - I know, if you're reading this, you are hardly shocked, but I'm exploring a new learning theory - connectivism and social media.  Exciting as freakin' hell!  And the fact that life is going to get even more interesting, buckle up, baby, this is one hell of a ride!  As the sun sets on our life in Wyoming, I can't feel anything but utter gratitude for our friends here, and the friends we have yet to make.  Cheers! 

What Will You Do More of in 2012?

For me, I will have more compassion for others.  It is easy to judge other people, blame systems, and throw people under the proverbial bus.  Yesterday was one of those days where everything that could be asked of you in a human resources role was asked of you.  Or, rather, me.  By 12:30, I just had to laugh as the next punch came in. 

One of the people I helped was a widow who was not helped by anyone else.  A young widow.  It could have been me, or any of my friends, whose husbands enjoy sporting in Wyoming.  She was angry and I gave her an outlet.  Then I provided answers, via other people that I've helped before and made connections with, but when I met with her and she hugged me for being the only person who seemed to want to help, I knew that I simply have to live my life with more compassion.  My life is pretty damn easy these days, and it's easy to forget the struggles that you can be given without much notice. 

As the day wrapped up, I was able to talk to my co-chair on my dissertation committee.  She was energetic and positive, and in turn, she gave me the courage and the energy to move forward on my dissertation.  I believe it's true, you get what you give.

Equality is Still a Myth

Today my dissertation topic was validated.  I can't believe that women are still holding back woman's rights.  I fail to see how the "I was punished and made it through - now YOU have to be punished and make it through" philosophy serves anyone any good.  I'm enraged, quite frankly, about the lack of empathy that some women display when other women reach out for help.  And I must say, I'm really proud of one man today who stood right there with me, believing that women need to be advanced right alongside of men. And it wasn't even my husband, who always stands beside me for women's rights. 

This is a different world.  And some companies are falling behind.  It's no longer enough to offer people jobs.  You have to nurture them, find ways to engage them, and otherwise help them develop to advance business objectives.  The companies that don't are going to fall behind. 

I'm sad that my voice goes unheard when I'm trying to help other women.  But I'm going to stand loud and proud to promote the rights of all people in an organization.  I'm no longer afraid.  I may not have much influence, but I can at least be proud to say what I believe.  And someday, I will have the credentials to be heard, to make the difference.  Until then, I'm going to fight a good, strong, fair fight.  That's all I can do.  Stay strong, women, because you can do it, too. 

Should Old Acquaintence Be Forgot

Harry: [about Auld Lang Syne] What does this song mean? My whole life, I don't know what this song means. I mean, 'Should old acquaintance be forgot'? Does that mean that we should forget old acquaintances, or does it mean if we happened to forget them, we should remember them, which is not possible because we already forgot?
Sally: Well, maybe it just means that we should remember that we forgot them or something. Anyway, it's about old friends.

We rang in the new year with friends both old and new, and as midnight fell, I realized how much I learned in 2011.  I don't make resolutions on New Year's Eve.  It's too easy to break them.  But one resolution I made, and continue to make, is to live life with as much gratitude and fun as I can possibly muster up.  I spend more time on Facebook than I should, but it reminds me of how lucky I really am.  I am living life on my own terms.  I'm following my dreams, and I'm continually renegotiating with myself what it means to be me.  I see many of my old friends trapped in a cycle of misery, and that could have been me. 

Had I not made the decisions I did several years ago, had I not stepped off the cliff without a secure safety net, I wouldn't be where I am today.  I took a big risk and it has paid off beautifully.  2012 may bring another big risk, and I'm ready for it.  I'm ready for the next big adventure, with my best friend by my side, and friends old, new, and yet to be discovered.  Cheers!

Pink Collar Ghetto - And Perhaps My Final Dissertation Topic?

"Let's face it, Ladies.  We are in a pink collar ghetto."  Lily Tomlin as Violet Newstead, 9 to 5. 

I was 5 years old when the movie 9 to 5 came out, but I remember watching it with my mom over and over again.  To this day, if it's on TV, I will stop to watch it.  As a girl of the 80's, I grew up with parents who told me I could do anything, even be President.  My mom always worked at home, and my dad didn't get the chance to finish college.  This movie sang to me the message that women have to stick together and confront the sexist, egotistical, lying, hypocritical bigots of the world.  

At the sunset of 2011, the message is still important.  Why?  Because women, as a whole, make only 80% of what men make.  80%.  In 2011.  Are you listening?  And this is supposed to be such an improvement from 1970, when the gap was less than 60%.  Yesterday I did some research on the pink collar ghetto, coined in 1983 by a woman consultant desperately trying to help women crawl out of it.  Yes, the wage gap is mainly attributable to the over-representation of men in higher-paying occupations, such as engineering, sciences and math, and executive leadership, and the over-representation of women in lower-paying occupations, such as education, nursing, and service industries.  How can we let this happen?  Even when women go to college (now at a much higher rate than men), they still make far less than their male counterparts.  This is a travesty and one I must figure out.

So as my dissertation focus has shaped itself, and changed itself, and driven me - and my advisor - crazy, now I think I've reached it.  I have access to more than a dozen women at work who are breaking down barriers in male-dominated industries and making as much money as the good ol' boys.  I have to tap into them and see what makes the difference and how we can help other women become equal in the workplace, and society as a whole.  

Perhaps a more fundamental mystery is this:  Why are some of the most critical occupations to our society the lowest paying ones?  I refuse to believe that educating our children and healing our infirm and weak take any less skill, education, mental horsepower, and critical thinking than building a power plant, or optimizing a search engine algorithm.  We pay CEO's, athletes, movie stars more money than they could ever spend in several generations.  Now, lest you think I'm a socialist, let me clear that up - I'm not.  I believe people have the right to earn as much money as they possibly can.  But let's be realistic here.  We have created a society in which women are stuck in a pink-collar ghetto with very little hope of rising above.  This creates a cycle of poverty for their children, and thus dominates our social landscape with all sorts of problems - crime, drugs, illness that cost society billions of dollars and insurmountable pain.  Wouldn't it make sense to equalize pay for critical jobs in our country and help women become partners in solving the world's ills?  

Think about it. 

Dodged a Bullet

I got a B in Quantitative Research Analysis, a class I was sure I was going to fail and have to repeat, amid the river of tears I would cry if that had happened.  I got a A+ in my favorite professor's class (she also happens to be my advisor, and I am one lucky PhD student for that), and an A- in a class that I couldn't care less about if I had tried.  But this semester taught me something - I can do anything, but I can't do everything.  Three PhD classes, plus a full-time workload that increasingly challenges me, and a life with a man who makes me have fun no matter what (liver and sleep be damned some nights!), is just too much.  I am slowing down my program and graduating a semester or two past what my overly-ambitious goal was.  I'm okay with it.  It's a journey, not a race.  And as I have mentioned, my PhD program does not define me, it only makes a part of who I am. 

I am starting my end-of-year reflecting.  It was a great year.  I had some really great highs - earning my SPHR, making really awesome new friends, kicking @ss at work, and trying to balance my crazy-busy world, and I had some lows - not spending enough time with my favorite person in the world (see:  PhD and work/travel) and nearly alienating him, and sweating 3 classes this semester. 

But as the year comes to an end, I think I'm in a damn good place.  I am rich with friends I never expected to have, I have a wonderful mentor who makes me believe in myself, and best of all, I am married to my best friend, who always makes me believe in myself. 

What Matters

My PhD program does not define me - will not define me.  The memories I make with friends, however, do define me.  Last night was a celebration of new friends and good times.  I love hosting dinner parties.  I learn so much about the people I live and work with, and also learn new things about myself.

Nourishing those who make a difference in my life is one of my favorite things to do.  Last night brought a succulently-rich red-wine braised beef roast, buttery mashed potatoes, homemade bread, and an amazingly decadent Chocolate Guinness stout cake trifle with chocolate ganache and Bailey's Irish Whipped Cream (last minute almost fail - the cake stuck to the pan - but it performed well in a trifle and was the star of the night!).  The company was great, the food delicious, and the memories, priceless. 

I look at my circle of friends and can't help but feel delight, especially during the holiday season when you are supposed to feel blessed.  I have a diverse friend base, and they teach me something new every day.  My friends come from all walks of life, and I am tickled pink that they choose to celebrate a Saturday night at our place.  One friend, from Ghana, brought back beautiful African masks for us, another made soap, and others brought delicious candy confections that I don't have the patience to create.  Together, we laughed, we lived, we loved.  I'm not sure it ever gets better than that.  I am truly rich from the friends who are willing to spend time with us.  Life is grand, and that, my friends, is all that matters.