Sunday, January 30, 2011

Good for the Soul

I have hundreds of acquaintances, but only a few truly good friends.  I think in this lifetime, that makes me exceptionally fortunate.  Yesterday was one of the best days in memory.  After a 3 1/2 hour drive, I arrived at my best friend's house.  We had lunch, we had wine, we bought shoes, and picked up our other best friend for more wine, more food, and a day of soul-friendly conversation. 

My best friend has been in my life about 9 years or so.  I can't tell you the date, but I do remember the day I met her.  She came to the hospital, where I worked in human resources, to do "non-employee" paperwork (I know, it's weird, just follow me).  I helped her through the red tape of being able to teach clinical pharmacy at our hospital, and commented on her pedicure, which had perfect little white flowers painted on her big toenails.  I don't know exactly how it happened, but we became friends very shortly after that.  We were the only ones who'd consistently show up for the dinner parties we threw.  So we eventually stopped inviting other people and just enjoyed each other's company.  We did add two more girls to our mix, it was when Sex & the City was on HBO, and I liked to think of us as that - four independent, fun, talented women in various stages of relationships.  I was in a terrible marriage at that point, and these friends helped me through a divorce, through singlehood, through finding and marrying my husband now, through adjusting to that marriage and finding my way.  I never had the college experience, being a mother of two and the wife of a lazy man during those years, but these relationships I forged are the strongest in my life now. 

I see my best friend, on average, every few months.  We talk briefly on the phone once a week or so, but no matter how much time has passed, we pick up where we left off.  There's no resentment, no jealousy, no anger, no ill will, which is so common in relationships with women (we are complex creatures, us women!).  My other friend, it had been over a year since I'd seen or talked to her, and probably closer to 3 or 4 years since we actually hung out together.  It all fell into place.  We talked about politics, books, movies, music, relationships, careers, everything that we could get out there, we did.  I miss my girlfriends horribly.  As I mentioned, I have many acquaintances, but only a few people who truly know me this well - they know my secrets, my deepest desires and oppressions, my hopes, my dreams, and I know theirs.  It was a day full of soulful goodness.  I need more of those days.  I think we've all resolved to have more of those days. 

After our two Asian meals together, lots of wine and chatter, we headed over to the birthday party of one of my husband's friends - the reason we were back in our old stomping grounds.  My husband was comfortably numb by that point and happy to see me.  I said hi to some friends, well, acquaintances, and continued my conversation with my two best friends.  I had to straighten out a girl in inappropriate clothing who was inappropriately touching my husband, probably not my finer moment, but I don't deal well with drunk women hanging off of him like he's a toy.  Secretly, he might have been happy to have the slight jealousy, even though he knows I trust him.  And at the end of the night, I took my best friend (husband) home to our friends' house, feeling even more fortunate that our relationship has solidified into an amazing marriage.  All in all, yesterday was a wonderful day, and I hope to capture that momentum to get me through the long, busy, but unfulfilling week ahead at work. 

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