Monday, January 31, 2011

For now ...

I was somewhat dismayed after our annual retreat/meeting this week.  We stayed at a beautiful hotel, I in the Elizabeth Barrett & Robert Browning suite with a bed that was so tall, I had to take a running start to hop in - but it was a thick, luxurious bed, the one of my dreams, fluffy as a cloud.  Not that it's much fun by myself.

I accomplished a lot last year at work, but then again, I've been doing essentially the same type of work for ten years now, I ought to accomplish a lot.  Then there it was, the white monkey (more elusive and slightly less conspicuous than the white elephant) in the room when challenged that I am talented but not willing to leave Green River.  Twice I heard this same theme.  I must say, I was deflated.  I feel like the work I do now isn't that valuable because I'm not willing to pick up my family and move them to undesirable locations every 18 months.  Now, I know talent management, I've read the research, but our company takes it to the extreme.  If you aren't willing to move when they ask (tell) you to, you become ostracized.  My reasons for staying here are sound, but not respected.  In this uncertain time, I'm not about to ask my husband to give up a well-paying job on a chance he might get another one, in a city that is more depressed than ours, with crowds, higher taxes, higher housing, and the instability of knowing we'd be uprooted again 18-24 months later.  I'm not willing to leave my daughters, who already live 3 hours away from me. I'm not willing to gain more responsibility for a career I don't really love anyway. 

I got to thinking, driving the 2 hours home by myself (after 2 hours of a rare splurge of retail "therapy" for myself, a discounted Coach handbag and accessories, workout clothes and shoes to motivate myself to get healthy again, and some kitchen wares), here's the thing.  If I wanted to leave, to move up, to have the power, I would have found a way to do it.  I've had three chances in the past two years, and none of them have really worked out.  I believe in signs, in destiny, in the power of attraction, and making things happen when they are supposed to.  This isn't my destiny.  I have so many interests outside of human resources, but this pays the bills for now. 

For now ....

No comments:

Post a Comment