Counting My Blessings

I almost went down the path of a pity party tonight.  But I choose instead to think of the good things.  My daughters dismissed the idea of spending Thanksgiving with us.  We are going to my in-laws' for Christmas, and while they are invited, I know they will choose to not go.  I accept this.  I do regret not bringing them with me when I moved, because I knew their dad would die without them, but you can't reverse some decisions.  Right now, I don't care, because all the reasons I left him have only been amplified in the last six years.  He's a lazy, unmotivated, bitter piece of work, and he and his family enjoy using my daughters against me.  There's a reason he is alone, and I am not. My best girlfriends, all products of divorce, have assured me that they will come around when they grow up.  I hope they are right.  But most of all, I'm grateful for my husband now, who is the opposite of all that I hated in the girls' dad.  

Last night was filled with good times and good friends.  We have become very spontaneous.  After a terrible Wyoming Cowboys season, my husband, who is a rabid fan, insisting on attending every single home game and as many away games as I can stomach, made the call to stay home - avoiding the crappy team and the potentially dangerous roads, with an impending snow storm.  We ended up winning, 44-0, a complete and utter surprise, but it was fabulous watching it from my comfy couch, wrapped in a blanket as the winds howled outside of us.  Anyway, last night on the way home, we texted some friends to meet at the one smoke-free bar in town.  We had a nice party going, full of big, deep belly laughs, the kind that just make you feel so happy inside.  Some of us went to dinner together, and then more drinks at Mike's.  Against my protest, we went to karaoke at the smoky bowling alley bar, which is filled with the whitest of white trash and smoke so thick you can cut it with my Wusthof knives.  But we had a blast.  I drank moderately, which helped reduce the hangover factor this morning, but managed to have a kick-ass time with friends, both old and new.  Two friends, one 50, one almost 60, are amazing women.  They have been through a lot, and they are taking time to be themselves.  And they were the hottest ones on the dance floor - guys kept asking them to dance, and it made me happy to no end that men think they are as beautiful as I think they are.  My dear husband sang karaoke, he is awesome, and he sings songs that I love, offbeat ones, and he even danced with me a couple of songs.  We had a great night, and left at closing time - 2 a.m.  OUCH!  I can't help but feel gratitude at having friends who will hang out with us for hours and hours, laughing, giggling, drinking, making memories.  My dear husband, who has become a raging feminist, like myself (this is NOT a dirty word, mind you), stepped it up.  This poor young drunk girl was leaning on the pool table, it had to have been half an hour, no one even noticed her.  He got up, went to the bar and got her some water, and made her drink it.  Then a slutted-up woman came over, said he was sweet, but then took the water away and made her dance with a guy.  My husband came unglued at this, and well, he has a temper, but I couldn't hold him back, because he was doing the right thing.  He confronted the slutted-up woman, turns out the poor drunk girl was her daughter, and she made her boyfriend dance with her to "get her some air."  She fell down on the way out of the bar, and I couldn't help but think of the horrible things her life was amounting to.  He tried, he did, and won huge points in our eyes, but at the same time, you can't save everyone.

I realized last night, though, as I often do, how much I love being married to him.  I hated dating. Men are difficult.  They are not all good.  Dating sucked.  Being married to him is great.  I love coming home every night to one person whom I truly love, who gets me, who will challenge me, who is not afraid to push me, even when it pisses me off.  These are my blessings.  As Thanksgiving rolls around, I will be sad that my daughters won't be there - mostly sad for my parents and grandparents, who rarely get to see them, but I'm going to focus on the beauty that my life has become, the life that I've always wanted has materialized.  I have so many things to be thankful for, I have to push aside the things I regret and cannot change.  Life is good.