Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Accomplishments

Today's picture - Escape from Alcatraz (aka: a very difficult semester of PhD work!).  I woke up early this morning, I mean REALLY early, like coming home late from the bar early.  I can't really tell you what time, because the clock in our room is between 40 and 55 minutes fast, I can never remember, and it was simply too early to do the mat.  I just know what time I have to get up, after hitting 5 snoozes, to be on my own schedule.  Anyway, I tossed and turned, plotting the demise of all the people that have pissed me off this week - and I realized how utterly counterproductive that was.  So I focused, I visualized, and meditated, and used the time wisely.  If you know anything about me from reading this blog, you know that I value sleep more than most things in life.  I refuse to get out of bed too early, so I lie there, again, plotting the demise, but then pulling myself back to reality.

Okay, what works in my life?  My marriage, for one, thankfully.  That's my one given, my rock.  Next.  School.  I was close, at this hour, to finishing another PhD semester (as I write this, I have turned in all my papers, and the only thing I'm waiting on is one lazy cohort to post her part of a group presentation so I can pull it all together - as you can tell, I'm not much for group work).  I am great at my job, I really am, I'm not being arrogant, but my job doesn't fulfill me (it might define me right now, but it doesn't fulfill me).  I kept coming back to teaching.  I have fought teaching my whole adult life.  I tutored kids throughout my high school stint, and was quite good at it (Lord, it's hard to be humble! - sorry shameless Mac Davis reference.)  My undergrad degree is in elementary ed.  I love training and development at work.  My PhD is going to be in adult education.  I can't escape this Alcatraz - and maybe that's a good thing.  This morning I fought the money battle in my mind.  I already make more than an associate professor, why would I want to go backward?  I love my salary, but I'm hating corporate work.  It's soulless.  I don't want to be soulless.  I am on a 3 year plan; pay off debt, including student loan, get my daughters out of high school, finish my PhD, then I'm free ... free to move on to my passions, my dreams, which, I have to say include teaching.

I'm shaping my topic to be technology and education, some facet of online education, perhaps with a feminism slant, bringing education to women who need it most - those in rural, poverty-stricken areas.  Without online education, I would not have been able to get a Master's degree, I live 2 1/2 hours from the nearest university.  I wouldn't have the opportunity to get a Doctorate, while working and securing my financial future.  More women deserve this.  I have to make that my quest.  I have to make a difference.

I'll start by playing with my new Kindle - a piece of technology I stubbornly refused to buy, but now love!  I need to embrace technology and the advances it can bring to women everywhere.

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