Double Standards

So I'm reading Jessica Valenti's He's a Stud, She's a Slut: And 49 Other Double Standards Every Woman Should Know.  Duh.  That's what I have to say.  I hear on a weekly basis the "double-standards" men and women face - let's just say it's women who get the sharp end of this poisonous stick.

I'm a feminist - loud and proud - anyone know how difficult that is to be in Wyoming?  Sarah Palin is revered here, Republicans are the heroes.  Really?  At the expense of 51% of your population?  I am so angry at Palin-lovin' women who think she is so powerful.  Powerful?  Really?  We hear about her kids, ad nauseum, her husband, dude, the first dude, but she is so far behind women's rights it's not even laughable.  Yes, women CAN have it all, but is it so wrong that we need some friggin' help?  Yeah- talking to you men, here.  Equality - especially in Wyoming - the equality state - let's move forward for women's rights.

I am a feminist - and I want all of us to be equal.  Be who YOU want to be.  Feminist-male, hetero, homo-sexual, butch, femme, metrosexual, homosexual, be who makes YOU Proud - screw the damn labels!  I am woman, hear me roar - but I love wearing heels, lipstick, and earrings. (but I'm not a Playboy bunny wearing a size zero with huge tits and freakishly small hips, destined to swoon for men with millions).  But to those who feel pretty while waking up and moving to life immediately - more power to ya!  I want to be pretty - for me - but I totally laud women who want to spend less time on appearance, more time on substance.

More on Feminism

I'm reading an insightful book titled Click: When We Knew We Were Feminists by J. Courtney Sullivan and Courtney E. Martin.  The chapters consist of essays by feminists, white, black, straight, lesbian, and also male.  We have grappled with the term feminist for decades.  What feminism, to me, comes down to is being myself without being discriminated against.  One of the essayists talked about equality, and how his mother insisted that equality meant being masculine and participating in the male world (by being a black female mechanic in the military in the time when females - let alone African Americans - simply weren't in the military).  The masculine ideal, then, was forced upon her son, who enjoyed cooking and spending time with female friends.

We've "conveniently" labeled ourselves and defined others in terms that create realities that simply shouldn't exist.  Feminism means I can have a successful career, but still enjoy cooking and hanging out with my girlfriends, getting pedicure and manicures.  I love wearing high heels, not because men think they are sexy, but because I think they are sexy.  I like to look pretty, but I also like being known for my intellect.  I shouldn't have to choose between being a woman and being masculine to succeed in my career.  I'm inspired by people who share this value to advance not only female rights, but human rights.

The Downside ...

As promised, I'm chronicling the downside of my PhD program.  As I sit through yet another frustrating three hour phone call, I wonder why on earth I am trying to get this terminal degree.  It certainly won't advance me in my job, and I already make more money than a college professor.  I guess now I am doing it to prove to myself - and others - that I really can do it.  Not the best of reasons.

Statistics is sucking the life out of me.  I understand statistics, but the program we are using is childish and pedantic.  Maybe I say that because I just don't get it.  I hate icons.  Just give me the text, I can read.  The same goes for the phone call.  Let me read it in a book.  I an the opposite of an auditory learner.  I might as well be deaf for as well as I listen.

This afternoon I got a list of items to bring for this outward bound week-long class I have to attend in late July.  I'm less than excited at the prospect of spending outdoor time in the mountains in Colorado.  I'm not an outdoors fan.  Believe me, I've had years to discover this, living in Wyoming all my life.  I don't like bugs, I don't like wearing shoes without heels and peep-toes, and I certainly don't like sleeping anywhere but a comfortable bed with high-thread count sheets and a private bathroom.  I don't need the wilderness to "find" myself.  I don't want to eat a sack lunch or get in touch with my feelings with a bunch of strangers.  Give me a city with a nice hotel, fabulous restaurants, theater, and pavement.  That's what I'm into.  That's where I "find" myself.

Why do people get PhD's?  I have no burning research question I want to answer right now.  I probably won't enter the world of academia.  I really want to write something meaningful.  I'm not sure a PhD will get me there.  Well, this was negative.  But if anyone is listening, you should consider all of these facts before bolding telling everyone that you are smart enough to earn a doctorate degree.  Back to the regularly scheduled phone call ... which is rudely interrupting the newest Top Chef show.

Scaling a Skyscraper

Today is one of those days when I realized how much work 9 credit hours of PhD work, a full-time job, a house and a husband really are.  So really, the former two are the topics sucking the life out of me, the latter two are the ones saving me.  

Statistics class sucks.  I can't wrap this one in a bow for you - or for me.  I don't understand this software, which took forever for me to figure out wasn't compatible with my new Mac.  I finally got through to the software company and got an update patch.  Now I'm ready to wash my hands of it.  The stress of working in HR leaves little brain power at the end of the day.  Holding someone's livelihood in your hands is not a job I want to have.  Yes, the people I discipline and fire have done something drastic to warrant the extreme measures, but being the grim reaper is harder than you can imagine.  While I try to give the employee as much dignity as possible, the stress for all sides is unavoidable.  The day I realize that it's not hard to discipline or fire someone is the day I should quit HR.  It doesn't matter if the employee brought destruction upon him-or-herself, when you know the employee, their families, and how it will affect them, it just doesn't matter.  Some days I wish I'd been smarter about my career.  I'd do something productive, I'd be in a profession that wasn't just "overhead" for a company.  While my career is lucrative, the stress of being in a profession that is less than respected wears on my last nerve.  

It's shortly after 7 p.m. and I'm ready for bed.  Perhaps statistics can be pushed back even further to tomorrow morning when my mind is (hopefully) fresh.  I'm pushing against a deadline, which is unlike the un-procastinating personality I've developed.  But sometimes, you can only think so much in one day ...  

The Charm of Chelsea Handler

Upon the advice of a savvy co-worker, I dove into the hilarious writings of Chelsea Handler.  I'm not an avid E! entertainment channel viewer, and I think Chelsea Lately comes on as I'm hitting the sheets, but after DVR'ing her once, I had to do it again.

I then ordered her three books, Are You there Vodka, It's Me Chelsea, My Horizontal Life, and Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang.  She is a brilliant writer.  I rarely laugh out loud while reading books - this was the exception.  She is bold, unapologetic, and wildly funny.  I couldn't put the books down.  While some parts disgusted me (as I'm sure she intended), I identified with a several of her witty tales.  She allows herself to be, well, herself, and it's a great message to women everywhere.  Be yourself - even if yourself is a booze-soaked, commitment-phobe with few responsibilities and a love of little people and big fat babies.  If you aren't a judgmental jerk, you just might enjoy reading these collections of short stories.

Girl Power

My formative years were shaped by the immortal lyrics of Debbie Gibson, Tiffany, and later, the Spice Girls.  When I discovered Sex and the City, I was elated - really?  Women who have their own careers, on their own terms, who have fun with each other,  and live in fabulous Manhattan?  I understand - but am still amazed by - the phenomenon of the Sex & the City sequel, forthcoming this week in theaters.  Women need these role models.  I need these role models.  An hour ago I posted a Carrie Bradshaw quote on Facebook ... "Maybe mistakes are what make our fate."  I received several responses from my treasured girlfriends.  We need movies like these to define ourselves, to make us aware that it's okay to be independent women full of spunk, intelligence, and good times.

In the middle of the desert, I find myself with a few great friends who let me be myself.  I am also reminded of the truly great friends I have in other cities, friends I desperately miss.  Girlfriends are essential to being a girl.  What does this have to do with getting my PhD?  ... Everything.  Without my girlfriends, I am not whole.  Thanks to those friends who get me, who accept me for whom I am, and who encourage me to be more.  Cheers to you!

Stones into Schools

I'm reading Greg Mortenson's Stones into Schools:  Promoting Peace with Books, Not Bombs, in Afghanistan and Pakistan.  Mr. Mortenson has spent his life building schools in the more remote, forgotten, neglected parts of these war-torn countries, with an emphasis on education for girls.  His mission is clear - when you educate a community, especially girls, you provide hope for the future, a way out of poverty, a life that can fight against war.

His courage, woven through his tales of adventure and dangerous liaisons, is inspiring.  He has gone where most people would never dare, in order to help all of humanity.  Girls in these counties receive little to no education.  They are relegated to domestic duties and horrors that most women in industrialized nations will never know.  I admire Mr. Mortenson's dedication to education for girls.  His writing is a reminder that equality is still a dream - but must become a reality.